Igbo Proverb | A Handshake That Wanders Past The Elbow Is An Invitation To Wrestle (Meaning)
The other day, I saw a post on Twitter from an Igbo influencer inviting people to comment on their interpretation of an Igbo proverb. The proverb states that:
‘Ikwe na aka gafee nku-aka ya aghoo ihe ozo.’ (If you allow the handshake to wander past your elbow, it is no longer a handshake)
I have also heard the proverb stated in this way, “The handshake that goes beyond the elbow becomes an invitation to wrestle.”
While different people interpreted the proverb in different ways, many people understood it as having to do with setting boundaries.
Some responses were:
“basically means, when you allow someone to get too friendly/over-familiar it can cause trouble.” -@Mr. Egusi
“it’s gotta be something about disrespect and checking people when they start acting overfamiliar. no?” -@_rosie_xx
“In a nutshell, familiarity breeds contempt.” -@onajite_dede
“I thought the proverb said it was a fight if it goes past the elbow. I think it is saying “set good boundaries to avoid big problems.” -@ikenganation
My personal understanding of this proverb comes from an early childhood experience.
I took judo for a very short time when I was a child. The first thing we learned was how to throw people. The throw we learned involved facing your opponent, and using your right arm to grab the clothing of their upper right arm, and then using your side and body weight to throw them over your shoulder. Like the pictures below show.
This judo move may be the most important move in judo, because it is where everything else about the judo fight is leading. That is, to throw your opponent. The posture of gripping your opponent’s upper arm is necessary in order to hold the arm up, and insert your own body into a position that uses your own body as leverage. This position unbalances the person and you become the one in control of how that person’s body moves.
The physics of this judo move is important to understanding the significance of this Igbo saying.
Igbo people are very serious about boundaries. In fact, one of the most sacred symbols of Igbo culture is the Ọfọ staff. This staff carries with it a power of certain administrative authorities and rights of inheritance. It is sometimes called the ‘staff of justice,’ because it signifies a contract among the people about rights of ownership and often is invoked to settle disputes on such matters based on contractual agreements. Many Igbo rights disputes are settled using this sacred system even until today.
When you attend any Igbo gathering, you will find certain protocol being strictly adhered to. Who prays over the kolanut, who sits at the high table, who gets to speak and in what order are just a few of the things you will see that, if not adhered to the right way, could easily lead to a heated dispute.
For some ndi ofeke (uninitiated), this can come across as petty and maybe even frustrating. Some may say, what does it matter if the person is 25 years old or 75 years old. Why should an elder be more important that a young adult who may be more educated? In some cases, why should a woman not be allowed to hold certain responsibilities or titles?
The answer is complex, but extremely important to grasp. Part of the answer can be understood with the judo illustration mentioned above. A deeper answer is much more metaphysical, and takes a lot of study of odinani to understand. Briefly speaking on the metaphysical, there are certain contractual arrangements that may have been made in the spiritual realm with representation in the physical realm, that could lead to big problems for those who disrupt the order.
On a more metaphorical level, the answer to why Igbos are so strict about order, rights, boundaries and protocols , is the reason why one should be suspicious of a handshake that extends above the elbow. There are people who do not know about the judo flip that is possible, and may insist on or even unwittingly wander into creeping past a sacred boundary point. That does not make this move any less effective. The balance is still disrupted whether or not the disrupter (and disrupted) are aware that such thing has occurred.
Imagine a formal event, where there is a special seat for the person being honored. The seat may hold great significance, because it is placed at the very center of the room in a place central to the focal point of all others in that room. Suppose an unwitting guest goes to sit at that seat, and nobody stops him. Then, the celebrant later enters and goes to sit at a different seat. The consequence of this (whether everybody realizes it or not) is that everyone’s gaze is now inappropriately fixed on the wrong person, and this could lead to a lot of confusion on the part of the participants in the ceremony, as well as conflicting energy and emotions in the room.
So, you see, the Igbo fixation on protocol is not an arbitrary matter. It is one of great importance and weight. A judo move works by destabilizing ones opponent. Causing the person to lose balance. An enemy would take advantage of this imbalance, and could use it as a point of ultimate destruction. Even in the absence of an enemy, metaphysical forces can use such points of imbalance and weakness to get a foothold and still lead to destruction.
Imagine an alcoholic who is aware that drinking alcohol causes them problems. Yet, he does not set boundaries with others. The other people do not have the same issue and may not know he has that weakness. So, they invite him to take part in this behavior that ultimately puts him in a compromised position. If the alcoholic does not know himself, or does not learn the discipline of declining certain offers, he could engage in behaviors that could cause him to lose many opportunities in life or worse fates could befall him.
So, ultimately, the Igbo adherence to order, structure, boundaries and protocol is one of the reasons the Igbo egalitarian structure which is the oldest democracy on Earth was so effective for so long prior to the slave trade and colonization. I believe that learning about and upholding these lessons from our ancestors would serve us, as a people very well.
